"Women and their weird..." she couldn't find a word to complete her sentence. "Quirks?" I suggested. "Women and their weird quirks?"
"Yes! Women and their weird quirks! And the weird solutions to their weird Quirks!" she giggled.
She's awesome though, you can check her out here. And if you do go to her, give her my reference so that I get a discount the next time!
So anyways, quirks. We all have them. I was at this really old friend's wedding today, in fact I met her after fifteen some years. We have been in touch over the years through phone and social media, but I never really got a chance to meet her even though she too lives in NCR. I'm usually either too busy or too lazy. So when she invited me and my hubby to the wedding, I was naturally super excited for it. One of the perks of living in India is the weddings after all! She also mentioned that there was another mutual friend of ours who was in the same class with us in third standard who was also coming. So when I saw my friend all brided up coming towards the stage with the Jodha theme song playing in the background, I saw a glimpse of this other girl with her who I kind of knew in third grade.
"Must be her," I told my husband, who told me to go talk to her.
But I couldn't. I just froze there, feeling weird about it. I knew her, I remembered her, and even though I saw her after all these years, I couldn't muster up the courage to go say a hi. Why, I wondered. It's not like I had to ask her out! I talk to new people everyday, networking with professionals comes naturally to me, and when I usually meet a person the second time, for an observer, it will look as if we are best friends or something. And I couldn't just talk to this one person? What could be the reason?
I met my friend at the reception, and still didn't ask her to introduce me to this mutual old friend. I just let her go down the stage and then post dinner me and my husband started driving back home, me pondering the entire route why I was so awkward. And then it occurred to me.
Fear of rejection. Fear of knowing a person, who doesn't even recognize you anymore. Maybe she did, maybe not. But just the idea that you were not worthy of being in someone's memory after fifteen years even though they were still in yours is frightening. The best way to save your ego is to just avoid the situation. Had she been a professional contact, it would have been different. Had she even been someone I knew 5-10 years back, I would be fine. But fifteen years is too much to remember a person, and its shameful that you have a better memory than them maybe.
That is one of my quirks, I realized. Maybe that's the downside of being a socialite, the idea of someone not recognizing you scares you to death. Maybe I should have talked to her, maybe the next time, no matter how awkward I feel, I will. Its a quirky jerky life.